Roger Muir wrote:
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> "Dereks Dodgy Secondhand Dodge Dealership"
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Now Roger, as a matter of fact, I love England and I am already looking
forward to my annual September visit to the worlds largest theme park!
Of course for me, the most difficult thing about going to England is the
time change. I always have to remember to set my watch BACK 500 years.
Actually, things over there have improved dramatically since I made my
first visit back in 1964. These days, if you search long enough, you
may find a hotel that offers rooms with showers, or at least what passes
for a shower, it's actually an old disused telephone booth with a tiny
spray head which sprinkles a tiny bit of luke warm water at you for
approximately 20 seconds when it either shuts off completely or turns
ice cold. These days there has also been a vast improvement in toilet
paper. I can recall that for years, the only thing available was these
little tiny squares of waxed paper. Sheer torture! It is my personal
theory that using nothing but those little squares of waxed paper for a
couple of hundred years is what caused them to talk with that funny
accent. Another area where the Brits have come a long way in recent
years is in their food. These days, it actually tastes like food! In
years past, it didn't matter one little bit what you ordered, it all
came out a uniform sort of brownish gray color drenched in about 2
quarts of nearly cold brown gravy and had virtually no taste
whatsoever. The "trad Brit" English breakfast is still laced with
industrial quantities of fat and cholesterol and if you listen carefully
around mid-morning, you can hear arteries slamming shut all over Britain
- sounds sort of like pop corn popping.
But as a matter of fact, the Brits are not really a bad lot and they
have been behaving themselves pretty well once we straightened them out
when we had that little problem with their King George and there are so
many Americans over there now during the summers that perhaps, we ought
to make THEM a colony. Hmmmmmmmm. Either that or maybe Disney Inc.
should just buy the whole island, add a few rides and some people in
mouse suits, and charge admission.
Its a shame that you Americans (along with the Continentals and a few
others, including those Candians whom must be regarded as suspect,
playing as they do Baseball and that rather strange football game)
continue to perpetuate the lie that the Brits and us Aussies together
with the Kiwis and South Afircans (plus many others) drive on the wrong
side of the road. The REAL truth is that Americans, Continentals etc
cannot change gears with their left hands......
Murray Arundell - Brisbane Australia.