big a$$ nklr lists, all the same

[Dale_Johnson@ahm.honda.com]

I got this from an XR list that I am on. Looks like it's the same everywhere. Hey XR'ers - I just sent this to my XJ-Owners list. Thought you'd get a kick. I guess all motorcycle lists degrade to the same level. Here are some examples: 1.) Regular oil vs. Synthetic (use the one that tastes the best) 2.) SJ vs. other ratings (don't use SJ oils) 3.) 'As Seen on TV' Lubricants - If some NASCAR guy that has been racing for 20 years and has never finished better that 7th place says it will make you taller, better looking, faster and give you a magnetic personality, buy as much as you can. Remember, order it within the next 20 minutes and you'll receive a complimentary mini squirt bottle of the stuff that can also be used as breath freshener, cologne or stain remover. 4.) WD40 - The stuff works. When the bottle is empty, shoot it with a .22 (sorry Euro/Can/Au people, you're not allowed to even say the evil word: GUN) Shoot one when it's full, that's really cool. If someone complains that you're adding to global warming, shoot them. 5.) Fuel Octane levels - Unless you have a high compression motor, and you don't, it won't matter too much. 6.) Leather Pants vs. Leather Chaps vs. Jeans (Whichever holds up better when you're sliding down the road at the highest speed you've ever gone on your bike. Don't forget to take into effect spedo error.) 7.) Waving (give me a break) Take both of your hands off the bars and wave violently to the Volvo driver that is heading directly towards you. Of course they can't see you because they are on the cell phone and completely turned around feeding their kid. 8.) Politically correctness (Jap bike vs. Japanese bike) It is and always will be a Jap bike. 9.) Riding Gear (i.e. 'Hey, pardon me for being a loser but what kind of clothes do you guys wear when you ride?') A baseball cap, thong and slippers are all you need. You want to know what you wear when riding on the street? Just imagine you are in your car traveling at 62 mph (100 km/hr) and jumped out of the window. Whatever clothes you think will hold your skin to your bones, wear it! I suggest two layers of leather with chain mail in between. 10.) Tires - Chen Shing vs. Real tires (Dunlop or Metzler) How much is your deductible after you go sliding down the road? SPEND THE MONEY!! If you only get 3,000 miles out of a good tire that is expensive, who cares? That crappy, inexpensive, tire is the only thing touching the road, until it lets go, then YOU are touching the road, then you're not, then you are again, and on and on. You're lucky if you just slide to a stop. (Are you the same guy that wants to know if you should spend 8 bucks a quart on synthetic that you're not actually going to buy because you are too cheap?) 11.) SeaFoam (XJ-Owners list specific) - Pretty good stuff and it tastes great too. 12.) Border Crossing (XJ-Owners list specific) Like I give a shi#! When I come across the border from Mexico and the guy asks "Are you bringing anything back with you?" I say "Yeah, a hangover, crappy pack of smokes and the runs." He laughs and waves me by, every time. Then I stop to talk to the Marines for a while. 13.) Loud Pipes Save Lives - blah blah blah (B.S.)My Ass!!! (I'll get in trouble if I say what I want to on this one.) 14.) Hierarchical Order of Cops in Different Countries (XJ-Owners list specific) (I'll REALLY get in trouble if I say what I want to on this one.) 15.) Checking Oil Level (Do I check the oil level when the bike is running, or when it off and hot, or off and cold, or with the dipstick threaded in, or with the dipstick threaded out, or when it is on the side stand, or when it is on the center stand or with me sitting on it?) I'm getting that gag reflex because I'm about to puke. Look at your manual. If you don't have one, see the next item. 16.) Where do I get a manual for my bike? Get it from Haynes, Clymer or your local shop, dork. You are already on the NET, use that new fangled thing called a search engine! 17.) Lane Splitting (no, not bowling) Do it at any speed you want. Fast lane splitting = fast death, slow lane splitting = Slow, painful death. Knock off the mirrors of the people that almost hit you. 18.) Tinted Visors - If you like them, use them. Who cares if it's illegal in some EuroDollar countries? They are real neato looking to all the civilians you're impressing and when you don't plan on riding at night and.........you know the rest. It is a well-known fact that you can ride much faster while hiding behind a tinted visor. What color is yours? Yellow? 18.) Long Signature Files - You are so cool listing all those bikes (I know I am). You might as well list the extra bike parts and their current or future condition. How about listing the bikes you saw on the way to work, what oil they were using, the octane level used, clothes worn, waved or not, Jap bike?, tires, their oil level in motion, if they were lane splitting and at what speed, tinted or clear visor, was a cop following them and what kind (i.e. local police, state police, CIA, FBI, State Park Ranger, Federal Park Ranger, Animal Control Officer, Sheriff, Secret Service, Fish & Game Ranger or Barney Frickin' Fife!). ---- Dirt Bike Specific: 19.) Tire Wear (Can I turn my knobbies around when they are worn?) Why not? You bought the damn tire, do whatever the hell you want to do. 20.) Chain Wax vs. Chain Lube - Who cares? Piss on it if you're in the middle of nowhere. Dale Johnson Y2k KLR650 with 13075 miles Rialto Ca.