Joe Lucas, Prince of Darkness (fwd)

[Chip Old]

For your amusement. The following was recently posted to the mg-t@autox.team.net mailing list. ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2001 09:45:40 -0800 From: Chuck chull@pacbell.net> To: mg-t@autox.team.net Subject: Joe Lucas, Prince of Darkness I have heard a lot of jokes (and suffered a bunch of problems) about Lucas wiring. A friend sent me a nice collection of Prince of Darkness jokes, which I printed below. If you are offended by this type of humor, you should not drive old British cars. The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark." Lucas denies having invented the darkness. But they still claim the "sudden, unexpected darkness" Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit. Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper. Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp. The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off. The other three switch settings - Smoke, Smolder and Burn. The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics. "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou... If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either. Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo - It sank! It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they meet too much resistance. Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night,as they all look the same ?" "He replied, it does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !" Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck. QA called and told the Engineering they had trouble with his design shorting out so he made the wires longer. Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit. Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: " Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.." Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency that's all.