Wilsons Sandbox

Riding the last car on the last train through Utah, heading West to visit my mother-in-law, I found myself lonely and bored, and struck up a conversation with a huge, bearded Swede, or maybe he was Norwegian. Nice guy, he was, offered me a swig from his bottle, which I graciously refused. Then he polished off the fifth of gin, and started talking. You wouldn t know it to look at me, he said, but I m a nurse. Got into the business because of my abiding love for mankind, and my inner desire to help others. Heh, heh, I sound like a Miss America contestant, don t I? Well, I see a few strange ones pass through the proctology center, but the strangest must have been that pack of Hell s Angels about a month ago. Those guys do have their fun after they ve had a couple of rounds, you know. Well, seems this one guy claimed he knew how to make a strawberry daquiri better than anyone and he d prove it. He grabbed a whole box of strawberries, lubed em with oil from a KLR he d just eaten, and shoved the whole quart of them, intact up his rectum. He ran outside, hopped onto his Harley, and tore off around the city, just vibrating the heck out of those strawberries. His theory was that they d get all nice and liquid and he d just deposit them into a jar, mix in the other necessaries, freeze it and see who d drink the swill. Unfortunately for his theory, Harleys vibrate with a front-to-back motion, thereby applying no real squeezing pressure to the strawberries, but just pushing them farther and farther up his colon. What he really needed, if you ask me, was an old airhead BMW, with that lateral vibration caused by the connecting rod offset on the crank. See, that would subtly squeeze the cheeks together enough to crush the strawberries. But, no, he was a Hell s Angel, and he had to ride a Harley. Well, those strawberries got impacted, and he got really uncomfortable. Then he got even more uncomfortable. One of his buddies wrapped a chain around his belly, made a Spanish windlass with a crowbar, and tried to get things moving that way. Didn t work. Then he was in absolute agony, and he came to the center, desparate for help. We worked our usual magic, and cleared out those strawberries. They had been up there for about a week by the time he came in, and they didn t look much like strawberries anymore. Wait. Did I mention the bullwhip?

> From: "Swampy" > Pretty cute stories gentle-men, but here's the ULTIMATE CHALLENGE: > > It needs to be non-sexual and non-inflammatory, (like Ben-Gay....well....sorta...) and needs to include..... > > BMWs > Trains > Utah > KLR Oil > chains > bullwhips > Harleys > nurses > Miss America > a fifth of gin > your mother-in-law > strawberries > the Hell's Angels > and Swede.... > > Oh I can't wait.......... > > Swampy

--snip the city, just vibrating the heck out of those strawberries. His theory was that they'd get all nice and liquid and he'd just deposit them into a jar, mix in the other necessaries, freeze it You are one sick bitch.. Dale

I was sitting in my rocking chair on the front porch, not a care in the world. I had just finished picking STRAWBERRIES and settled down to have a few. The beautiful UTAH sky was a deep blue, and not a cloud in the sky. From my porch I could look down the valley past the TRAIN station and over the highway. That's when I heard that deep guttural thumping.... I looked in the direction of the Highway and saw a cloud of dust swirling in the cool dawn air. The noise continued to get louder and the vibrations shook my tiny home. It was at this point that I spied a huge black HARLEY motorcycle in the lead. Upon closer inspection I could make out the name, "THE HELL'S ANGELS." I jumped from my seat and ran to the front door, screaming for my wife, Sasha. She was a NURSE that worked the night shift at the local hospital. At the sound of my urgency she came running with he housecoat on and met me at the door. "Did you invite YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW to come visit us?", I shouted of the racket. "OH, my goodness, I must have forgotten to tell you, she said. I swear I could have beaten her with CHAINS and BULLWHIPS for inviting her mother. After all we had only that week repaired all the of damage from the last time she came. Suddenly the noise stopped and I slowly pivoted around to see 20 1%ers parking in my driveway and all over my lawn. "God I hope they don't discover my BMW in the garage." I thought as I sheepishly walked down the front steps. These bikers were dirty and smell and some appeared to have had a bucket of KLR OIL thrown on them. Suddenly from the middle of the pack burst a woman (I use that term lightly) with A FIFTH OF GIN in her hand. It was Sasha's mother and I could tell that she was ripe by the way she swayed from side to side. She was about 5 foot high and if she weighed one pound, she weighed all of 250. She was dirty, smelly, half dressed, drunk and she was headed my direction. I had not been this scared since the time I saw THE SWEDE sneaking to the outhouse in his underwear last summer. Anyway, the ugly bitch had locked eyes with me and was struggling to get through the bikers and to me. "Well hello MISS AMERICA, it is so good to see you again." I flew out of bed gasping for breath. It took me a few moments to realize that I must be having a nightmare. WHEW~~~ -----Original Message----- From: Swampy [mailto:wdsrc@...] Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2001 6:55 PM To: KLR650 List Subject: [DSN_klr650] MORON bullwhips Pretty cute stories gentle-men, but here's the ULTIMATE CHALLENGE: It needs to be non-sexual and non-inflammatory, (like Ben-Gay....well....sorta...) and needs to include..... BMWs Trains Utah KLR Oil chains bullwhips Harleys nurses Miss America a fifth of gin your mother-in-law strawberries the Hell's Angels and Swede.... Oh I can't wait.......... Swampy Visit the KLR650 archives at http://www.listquest.com/lq/search.html?ln=klr650 Support Dual Sport News... dsneditor@... Let's keep this list SPAM free! Visit our site at http://www.egroups.com/group/DSN_klr650 To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: DSN_klr650-unsubscribe@egroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/

> Now the Coronado Bridge, that can be its own rush. Someone who > doesn't know it should check it out to get what I mean.

Man, I'm glad it's not just me. I was afraid to say anything, but I crossed that bridge a few weeks ago on the KLR...put a new crease in the center of the seat. Strange feeling, Nice view though. Ed Snow 2001 KLR650 "Zoom Zom"